7分考官范文逐句分析
Band 7 Model Essays with Sentence-by-Sentence Analysis
如何使用范文
不要死记硬背范文。正确的学习方法是:①分析结构(每段的功能是什么)→②标注句式(用了哪些7分句式)→ ③提取搭配(话题词汇怎么用的)→④模仿写作(换个话题用同样的结构写一篇)。 下方范文每句话都标注了对应的评分维度,帮你理解考官如何给分。
真题题目
Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
开头段
The question of how best to reduce crime is one that has long been debated by policymakers and the public alike.
精准改写题目,不是简单复制
While some advocate for harsher prison sentences as a deterrent, others argue that alternative approaches, such as education and rehabilitation, are more effective in the long term.
用while引导让步,自然呈现双方观点
I am inclined to agree with the latter view, as I believe that addressing the root causes of criminal behaviour is ultimately more productive than simply increasing punishments.
立场清晰且有理由支撑
主体段1(观点A:长刑期)
Those who support longer prison sentences argue that the threat of severe punishment serves as a powerful deterrent.
清晰的主题句,准确呈现观点A
The logic behind this position is straightforward: if potential offenders know that they face lengthy incarceration for their crimes, they may think twice before breaking the law.
冒号引出解释+条件从句,句式多样
Furthermore, keeping convicted criminals behind bars for extended periods ensures that they are unable to commit further offences during their sentence, thereby protecting the public.
convicted criminals, incarceration, offences等法律话题搭配准确
However, this approach fails to account for the fact that many offenders reoffend shortly after their release, suggesting that imprisonment alone does little to change criminal behaviour.
用However自然转折,为下一段铺垫
主体段2(观点B:替代方案)
A more effective approach to reducing crime, in my view, is to address its underlying causes.
主题句明确表明自己的立场
Research consistently demonstrates that poverty, lack of education, and substance abuse are among the most significant drivers of criminal behaviour.
underlying causes, drivers of criminal behaviour等精准搭配
By investing in social programmes that tackle these issues — such as vocational training for at-risk youth, community-based rehabilitation for drug offenders, and improved access to mental health services — governments can help to prevent crime before it occurs.
破折号插入具体例子,句式复杂但清晰
For example, Norway's prison system, which prioritises rehabilitation over punishment, has achieved one of the lowest reoffending rates in the world, at approximately 20%, compared to over 70% in countries that rely primarily on punitive measures.
权威举例+具体数据,极具说服力
结尾段
In light of the above discussion, I believe that while longer prison sentences may offer some short-term benefits in terms of public safety, they are not the most effective means of reducing crime in the long run.
结尾重申立场,承认对方有一定道理但坚持自己观点
A more sustainable approach would be to invest in education, rehabilitation, and social support systems that address the root causes of criminal behaviour, thereby creating a safer society for all.
用thereby连接结果,形成完整闭环
考官总评
精准覆盖题目所有要求(讨论双方+给出自己观点),立场清晰且全文一致
段落组织逻辑清晰,衔接手段多样(while, however, thereby, this approach等),无机械连接词
法律/犯罪话题词汇丰富且准确(deterrent, incarceration, reoffend, punitive measures, rehabilitation等)
多种复杂句式(让步从句、条件从句、定语从句、分词结构),准确率高